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Hey You! Yes, I’m talking to you. Who are you, how on earth did you end up here, and why aren’t you commenting with witty retorts?

I started this blog 3 months ago on a whim, despite never having read a blog myself and knowing I was unfashionably late to the blog party. I was also pretty sure no one would ever find my blog. I’m an internet addict (I sat in the dark for 5 hours last week because the power went off and I was unable to look up the Power Company’s number online to report the outage… I forgot about the Phone Book), and I don’t recall ever stumbling onto a blog. I sure as heck wasn’t going to tell my friends about it, lest they actually come and read it thus ruining my opportunity to use them and their private lives as subject matter. Anyway, It seemed clear that bloggers banded together and went looking for each other and that was that. Blogging was the “back alley” of the WWW if you will.

Somehow, that all naiveté evolved into me reading blogs every day (that www.dooce.com, she’s so funny. Every time I read her I want to go back and burn my blog.) and actually continuing to post on my own occasionally. While these are both surprising, I’m actually the most in shock over the fact that, according to my sitemeter reader, I have had over 400 visitors. Now granted, 80% of those were probably me, but still that means that at least (argh, math) 80 or so people-who-are-not-me have come to my site.

And of those vistors, according to sitemeter, the average visit duration is “0 seconds”. At first, this got me fairly hot under the collar. What the heck, I thought. Does my site give off some sort of Ebola vibes that causes people to immediately yank their computer power cord out of the wall? Then, in my increasing blog savvyness, I realized that it had to do with page views or something like that which has not yet interested me enough to get me to read the entire explanation. I think am partially afraid it will say at the end, “…unless this is in reference to One Day At a Time, in which case your average visit is truly zero seconds. Sorry”.

And I learned something else through sitemeter- the internet actually tells the pages what you typed into a search engine to get to their page and it will go so far as to pinpoint it was someone in your city typing in “unnatural sex acts, biscuits”. Holy cow. For heavens sake, I don’t want to be anyway affiliated with some of my “queries of boredom” as I’ll call them, even within a 100 mile radius. And trust me, some of you should feel the same way, especially visitor number 256 who somehow found my blog by googling “time of sucker management is done in pineapple”.

In any event, I see many of you are men and women of few words. That’s ok (no its not!). Just because I want to ramble on doesn’t mean you have to (you really should). Really, its reward enough to know that I have connected with so many of you (and mostly me) for those precious 0 seconds.